Statements That Put You In The Mood

1. Overheard behind a curtain in our clinic: “Okay iho, hubad…tuwad…hawakan ang dalawang pisngi…paghiwalayin.”
2. “Hon, ’shake well’ before using.”
3. “Sir…gusto niyo initin ko para mas masarap kainin?”
4. “Gusto mo bang…isagad ko..?” (gas boy when gassing up)
5. Sexy neighbor when she buys in our store: “Kuya, magkano itlog mo?”
6. Whenever fastfood crew asks me, “Sir, malaki po ba yung sa inyo?”
7. In a jeepney terminal: “Pasok lang ng pasok, maluwag yan!”
8. “Homework ka ba? I wanna slam you on the table and do you all night!”
9. From my wife: “Look Papi, I shaved it!”
10. In a chicken resto: “Sir, breast…or thigh?”
11. When waitresses in restos say: “Thank you for coming!”
12. When she says: “I invited a friend over to join us…”
13. When our prof asks during an exam: “Well, is it hard?”
14. When the masseuse asks: “Sir, soft o hard?”
15. When my wife tells me: “Makakatikim ka sa kin!”
16. When I asked an applicant what position she was applying in, she said, “Kahit anong posisyon, basta makapasok.”
17. When an officemate goes: “Pa-blutut naman!”
18. Everytime someones says: “Two heads are better than one!”
19. A hot fruit vendor: “Sir, dito ka na…mura pakwan sa kin…”